I had stress induced nigh terrors all night, and was depressed all day at work. I hated being their, and was at-the-end-of-my-rope frustrated with my kids. This is the first time I’ve really had to deal with my extreme anxiety and depression while at work - usually it creeps up in the evening, or…
My first year, I was too nice. So I was exactly in your position. I found myself repeating the same instructions over and over, getting more and more frustrated my the lack of respect and attention to my lessons, and students not meeting my expectations.
Year two, I took a step back and realized something: The reason my students were acting this way is because I was letting them. Not consciously. But with every procedure I let slide, with every rule I was too lax on, with every situation I didn’t address, my students learned what they could get away with doing.
Year three, and I’m a good blend of year 1 and year 2. I try to be nurturing and foster relationships, but with an iron fist. I’ve learned that being a stickler for rules and procedures makes me feel like things run more smoothly in my classroom, meaning I am more relaxed in my personality with my students.
I hope this makes sense. I am in no way blaming you, because we’ve all had a group of students that we, as the teacher, do everything exactly as we should and they still don’t perform as we want. But also, as the teacher, we should constantly be on the lookout for ways to improve the one thing we can control: ourselves.